¡viva la graham!

it was announced today that britney will finally return to work after the birth of her first child, sean preston, just a few months ago. in a surprising move, she will not be releasing a new record - instead she will be a guest star on will & grace.

the appearance is sure to please her massive gay fanbase - especially sean hayes. it seems there’s just one thing standing in the way of success: her fat ass! cut out a few carbs, sweetheart… and remember, you don’t have nearly as much work ahead of you as janet jackson.

i’m not quite gay enough to really enjoy ice skating, so i’ve never really had a reason before… what can i say, they just never did it for me! after seeing a photo spread in a magazine featuring the men of the 2006 olympics, i might have had a change of heart.

i present exhibit a: jeremy bloom. i’d seen a photo of him before, but didn’t know who he really was. i’m not usually into the preppy/jock types, but upon a second look, there was something about his smile (among other things!) that drew me in.

jeremy is competing in the freestyle skiing competition. unfortunately the extreme temperatures will require him to wear a bit more clothing. regardless, i wish him the best of luck!

after yesterday’s earth-shattering news about kenny chesney, i’m sure we’re all shocked by the news that american idol star clay aiken is also a weiner smoker. the rumors have been around for a while, but now some guy has sold his story about his sexual liason with clay to national enquirer.

you know why no one has gone to the tabloids before now? because no one wants to admit sleeping with clay’s nasty ass! this guy must have done it just because he knew he could cash in on the story.

ok, so kenny chesney and clay aiken like dick. but they’re both gross. when is someone hot going to be outed?

months after everyone else, fox news reported today that country star (and renee zellweger’s “fraudulent” ex-husband) kenny chesney is absolutely positively not gay. apparently some skanky stewardess announced to an entire plane load of people (did she do it over the intercom??) that she had been his lover for ten years way back when.

well, i have sources who confirm her claim. i do live in nashville, you know! these sources also claim he also had a male lover for several years, technically making him bisexual.

so i guess when he says he’s not gay, he actually believes he’s telling the truth - even if it’s misleading. i’ve been paying close attention, and so far i have yet to hear him refer to himself as “straight” either; it’s always “not gay.” haha, he’s gotta be a total bottom.

(via towleroad)

i’ve always liked pink. after seeing her new video, “stupid girls,” i like her even more.

in the clip for the first single from her upcoming fourth album, she makes fun of several clueless starlets, including paris hilton, jessica simpson, lindsay lohan and mary-kate olsen. and she does it very very well.

i’m very happy to see ms hart’s return to form. the best part of all is her attitude. i read recently that she is ambivalent about her popularity, saying, “i don’t give a fuck if this one bombs.” somehow, i don’t see that happening this time around.

(via popbytes and a socialite’s life)

this week’s hot rocker is a virtual unknown. his name is michael van london, and i think he’s gorgeous - even if he looks more like a model than a rock star. guess what else? he likes boys! that makes him even hotter.

apparently he played every instrument on his brand new album, fortunes of misfortunes. that’s pretty impressive. on top of that, queerty compares him to ryan adams. this is a good thing. plus he says juliana hatfield is his favorite artist. this is a very good thing.

if things take off for him, i can’t wait for the racy advocate pictorial.

looking for some aural pleasure? here are a few ideas for your latest playlist:

natasha bedingfield “unwritten”
after the moderate success of her debut single, “these words,” i was afraid natasha was going to be a one hit wonder. i’m pleased that american radio has picked up on “unwritten,” her new single and arguably the best track on her album. bringing in the gospel choir is usually kinda cliched, but it works here. well done!

fall out boy “sugar, we’re goin’ down”
hard as i tried, i could not resist this sublime slice of emo pie (and i know i’m a little bit late on this one!). i tend to avoid bands whose members pride themselves on their hoodie collection, but the undeniable hook of “sugar” forced me to break my rules… even if i can’t understand what the hell he’s singing in half the chorus!

goldfrapp “ride a white horse”
even madonna is a fan of these electro-pop darlings. the third single from their latest album, supernature, is less flashy than previous outings like “twist” and “ooh la la.” it’s the surprising simplicity of “white horse” that makes it so brilliant. it’s not every day you discover a song that works as well on the dancefloor as it does at a post-party chill session.

metric “poster of a girl”
if you aren’t yet a fan of metric, you need to be. the toronto-based indie rockers aren’t just one of the most underrated acts around, they also released one of the best records of 2005, live it out. second single “poster of a girl” isn’t as rocking as the album’s first single, “monster hospital” - but it does find the band at their most hauntingly beautiful.

starsailor “this time”
i’m a sucker for any british rock band, and starsailor have long been one of my weaknesses. this track differs from older hits like “in the crossfire” and “silence is easy” because it’s much more upbeat. one thing remains the same - frontman james walsh’s vocals are as sexy as ever. hearing is believing.

take a good look at lady sovereign, the u.k.’s latest adidas-loving pop star - and a dead ringer for sporty spice melanie c! it’s crazy, like she could be her little sister.

i wonder what she says when people tell her who she looks like; you know it’s got to happen on a regular basis! she is technically a rapper, so she probably has one of her boys rough them up.

hmmm… i suddenly feel like watching spice world.

there’s nothing better on a rainy day than celebreality on vh1. yesterday i came across flavor flav’s bachelor-esque flavor of love for the first time. i didn’t think i would like it (as i’ve never been a fan of its’ obvious inspiration) - but this shit is bananas!

in the episode i caught, he had his mom on there helping him decide who he should choose. one of the competitions involved frying up some chicken for mama, and this one dumb bitch cooked it in the microwave! she seriously thought this would help her win… this has to be fake (at least i hope so!), but it was still really damn funny.

you may remember me writing about mtv’s newest venture into celebreality, there and back, featuring former o-town member ashley parker angel. well, i’ve seen the show and i’ve come to a verdict. not only is ashley kind of an asshole, but the music he’s hoping will succeed sounds like it was written by ryan cabrera. not too original!

as one might say elsewhere on mtv…. next!

wasn’t it just two weeks ago that i was swooning over jared leto? it appears that he’s plumped up for his latest movie role - as john lennon’s killer in chapter 27 (which co-stars his rumored playmate lindsay lohan).

i’m just going to assume jared is wearing a little extra padding and some heavy make-up. i mean, slutty lindsay is surely too shallow to go after anyone who isn’t at the top of their game. well, maybe not.

but nevermind. even if jared has packed on the pounds, maybe he’ll follow in charlize theron’s footsteps and win an oscar. haha! ok, i doubt it. sorry fatboy!

(via a socialite’s life and d listed)