¡viva la graham!

i’m not sure if any of you caught it, but a bull terrier won the top prize at the westminster kennel club dog show in new york last night. good for him - but that pooch is nowhere near as cute as my puppy zeke.

my partner’s mom recently rescued him - zeke was left in a box outside a fast food joint. we think he’s part spaniel, with maybe some chow and terrier. whatever his parents’ bloodline, there was no way we could refuse that face! i know it’s cheesy (and not just a little bit gay) to say, but he is 100 percent adorable.

unfortunately they don’t have a competition for mutts at dog shows… but that’s ok. we don’t want to be part of their snobby competition anyway! right, zeke?

here’s a great donatella versace skit from a few years ago to help you get your valentine’s day started right! drew barrymore does a mean courtney love, but i think my favorite thing about this might be amy poehler as madonna. after madge refuses champagne and cigarettes from maya rudolph as donatella, maya gets the best joke of the outstanding sketch…

madonna: “no thank you donatella. i don’t pollute my body with those things. i like to be present and in control.”

donatella: “were you in control when you let dennis rodman bone you sideways?”

chances are, you haven’t heard of a new wave/indie band called the sounds. and that’s a shame.

this week’s hot rocker, felix rodriguez, is the band’s gorgeous guitarist. i’ve had a crush on this eurotrash punk for ages, ever since i first saw the video for their debut single “seven days a week.” he’s a bit scrawny, but he’s a fucking rock star. they’re meant to be slight in a sexy way.

i once drove 600 miles to see the sounds with some friends - and in the end my girl cristina slept with felix on their tour bus (for the record, my friend vicki also slept with the band’s keyboardist, jesper)! it was awesome to hang with the band, but even better to hear all the juicy details about my slutty friends’ sexual escapades (yeah, felix is packin!).

the swedish band’s new album, dying to say this to you, hits stores next month…. lead single “song with a mission” is ace. head here for a sneak peek of the video and a few top album tracks.

aah, the morning after. things are never quite so pretty. here’s why:

* mariah carey and kanye west both won 3 awards, but poor mariah’s only screen time was her performance. her awards were given out beforehand, while kanye’s award for best rap album was announced during the broadcast. hmmm… i wonder if that was intentional??

* as i lamented last night, u2’s last album was just more of the same! but how could i forget that grammy voters thrive on the familiar? why was i surprised when they took home album and song of the year? mariah’s meager penance was when bono pretended to be the pope, proclaiming, “you sing like an angel.”

* no matter what happens, this show is always so anticlimactic. why do we get so worked up about this shit? i’ll tell you the truth - i fell asleep before the end. zzzz….

i’m pleased that kelly clarkson took home the first award of the night, in the category of best pop vocal performance, female. she was up against mariah, gwen, and grammy voter faves sheryl crow and bonnie raitt. i was only slightly surprised by this win, actually, because everyone loves “since u been gone.”

other than that, the broadcast opened with an entertaining opening number. mashing up madonna’s “hung up” and gorillaz’ “feel good inc.” was a good move, and maddy’s performance was especially well executed. sorry, mariah, but the show’s producers were smart to meet madonna’s demands!

the show’s biggest revelation thus far - nicole kidman came with keith urban! the camera keeps cutting to them whenever it gets a chance…. just good friends, eh!?

UPDATE: kelly clarkson just gave a flawless performance of “because of you.” all i have to say is, damn! and now u2 just won another award - this one for best rock album. i hate to diss bono and company (sorry dad!), but i think they’re getting sort of tedious. surprise me, boys, and you might just win back some respect.

also… where the hell is ellen? so far i’ve seen her once in the past hour. isn’t she supposed to be hosting?

it’s grammy night, and it looks set to be an evening of drama. the catfights started days ago, when madonna allegedly demanded she open the broadcast - or she wouldn’t be showing up. this didn’t sit well with this year’s big comeback story, mariah carey, who hoped she would be first to take the stage.

as far as the actual awards go, i’m pulling for my favorites, naturally. in the bigger categories, it would be nice if gwen stefani won, however unlikely that might be. i really think mariah is going to score a least a few. also, i’d like to hear what billy joe armstrong has to say if green day wins.

i hate to say it, but i’m hoping kanye west loses big. at first he really impressed me, but now, not so much. ok, we get it, you have plenty of self-confidence and you like controversy! it’s gotten annoying fast, i think. also, i hate to say it, but i dislike john legend by association - even if he’s talented.

in the lesser categories, i am really hoping my beloved kylie’s “i believe in you” wins for best dance recording. that also means scissor sisters’ jake shears and baby daddy would win as well, since they produced the song. in the rock genre, can’t the academy give an award to weezer and franz ferdinand? pretty please!

alright, that’s all for now… enjoy the show.

UPDATE: the pre-telecast winners were announced, and some of my faves have already been shut out. that’s right- no sympathy award for kylie, plus u2, the band that has already won at least 100 grammys, beat both weezer and franz ferdinand. grrr!

the pre-show has been interesting thus far on the green carpet (yes, this year it is green). gwen stefani, who is now 6 months pregnant, looks radiant. joss stone mingled with kelly clarkson on e! - and later joss gushed about how sweet the former american idol champ is, exclaiming (and i paraphrase), ‘if you’re a singer you don’t have to be a bitch!’ and yes, she did say ‘bitch.’

apparently the flamboyant actor/fragrance pedlar had a wild weekend - which included a big sack of blow and a basement orgy! hmmm, i wonder… was he celebrating nyc’s fashion week or was there some other special occasion? for some reason, this does not suprise me in the least.

somebody once told me once that i look kinda like mr. cumming. no offense to you, alan, but i don’t take that as a compliment.

in honor of the straight man’s most sacred holiday, superbowl sunday, here’s a video clip i think is absolutely hysterical… and perhaps mildly arousing. i think you already have enough of a hint so i won’t spoil it any more by telling you more. just watch it, alright?

(from madtv via youtube)

according to reports, tommy lee’s beer goggles have been getting a little fuzzier lately. he was recently spotted flirting with a smokin-hot babe, only it turned out that she was actually a he… and tommy didn’t know it.

after a few tequila shots with a tranny called nina, things started getting very friendly. nina must have been this close to getting lucky before tommy’s security guard intervened, whispering the truth into tommy’s ear. as dlisted opines, he’s probably banged a drag queen before. i mean, tommy lee doesn’t always have sober help around to tell him who he shouldn’t sleep with (or who might have a dick!).

i’ve had similar experiences even without complete intoxication. i admit, a time or two i’ve spotted someone attractive from across the room only to figure out - upon closer inspection - that it was a lesbian. d’oh!

here’s another relatively unknown musician - if you’re american… but i am still very pleased to name tim wheeler this week’s hot rocker. this lovely irishman fronts ash, a band that has enjoyed immense success in the u.k. but haven’t really taken off across the pond. he’s definitely a looker, especially in person (keep reading). factor in his accent and he’s a bona fide heartbreaker.

i’ve seen ash perform live a few times, and they have always been immensely entertaining (as was the plethora of eye candy). i took this photo myself at a 2003 show in atlanta, where i even had the chance to meet the band. i offered to buy a drink for tim wheeler, but he declined. he claimed he was still recovering from their recent night out in new orleans; i’m pretty sure he was just afraid of me and/or my advances.