¡viva la graham!

remember when someone was selling a piece of britney spears’ chewed-up gum on ebay? it seems that a starstruck redneck was equally excited by what nicole kidman left behind after leaving a nashville restaurant with hubby keith urban.

this time, however, it wasn’t even a spit-out stick of extra that caused a stir. it was the indentation on the cushion on which kidman had been sitting. as the hapless reveler took a camera phone photo of her chair, he exclaimed to whomever would listen: “look! it’s her butt cheek marks!” i’m really not sure if i should laugh or cry.

related: nicole & keith’s coming out, totally not together

frankly, i have no idea. but from the looks of this photo, it appears that she is about to slip something into someone’s drink.

bertine zetlitz is, naturally, a euro-trash pop star (and i’m quite certain she would hurt me for that ‘trash’ part). apparently she is about to release her fifth album, brilliantly titled my italian greyhound. bertine herself said, “[it] is like the dog: elegant, humorous, fit and well scented. With a charming hint of neurosis.” i couldn’t have put it any better.

of course, there’s a creepy chic video for the disc’s lead single, “500.” i have no idea what’s going on there - give it a look and you’ll know what i mean! regardless, i presume you will adore it.

much thanks to popjustice for turning me on to bertine. she definitely makes my current pop mix more foreboding.

usually when a band gets a shit-ton of hype, there’s not much substance behind it. before i heard them, i thought the yeah yeah yeahs were one of those bands… after i saw them perform “maps” on the mtv movie awards, my opinion was changed forever.

that said, i wasn’t too impressed with “gold lion,” the first single from their sophomore outing, show your bones. then came “cheated hearts,” this week’s ¡viva la graham! video of the week. a fantastic song, a simple, silly video. karen o, you have redeemed yourself… despite the ridiculous outfits.

kid rock and pamela anderson were married today in st. tropez. the level of class at the ceremony can best be illustrated with the above photo (note the bottle of bud in kid rock’s hand). at the actual ceremony, however, pam wore less clothes. but that’s not a surprise, is it?

as the happy couple previously revealed, there is going to be a reception in nashville at some point in the very near future. i, for one, would love to crash this party - so i’ve made up a list of possible locations in town where the newlyweds might celebrate.

• bar twenty3 - kid and pam have been known to frequent this hotspot before, probably because they were immediately granted access to the upstairs v.i.p. area. guess what, kids? so have i. big fuckin’ deal.
• christie’s cabaret - only these two would have their party at a strip club, and if they chose any of the titty bars in music city, this would be it. only if kid could bring his own d.j., of course.
• layl’a rul - you might think this place is a bit too posh for this crew, but kid rock has been seen here on many occasions… obviously, they’ll let in anybody who’s got the green.
• union station - this vintage hotel used to be the railroad transport hub in nashville. nowadays, it’s the most upscale, gorgeous venue in town. if i had the money, i would have my party here… but this is undoubtedly too high-brow for them.
• white trash cafe - i don’t even know if they have heard of this meat and three, but from the name alone, i know it would suit them. don’t you agree?

i’m going to keep my ears open. but if you hear any news about the whereabouts of the upcoming soiree, let me know! i’m sure i can weasel my way in somehow.

my dear mo’nique guest-hosted on the view the other day - i missed it, of course… why suffer through the whole thing when you can always find it on the internet somewhere? (thanks best week ever!)

from this clip montage, it doesn’t look like mo’nique got along with the other women too well - especially barbara walters. notice the way she keeps calling barbara “sugar” - with just a hint of disdain.

with a guest host, you’d think the regulars might ease up. but hell no! whenever mo’nique opens her mouth, the other bitches make a catty comment or stare, shocked. i can’t say i’m a star jones fan, but after watching this, i can (almost) understand why she went crazy. i definitely couldn’t put up with that shit! poor mo’nique… if she hadn’t been on live national television she would have kicked some ass. according to the view’s web site, mo’nique will be back again friday.

while we’re on the subject, i must mention that kathy griffin was on today! after claiming in her stand-up act that barbara had banned her, i was suprised. of course ms. walters had to bring this up…

chances are (if you are an avid blog reader), you already know about the new scissor sisters single making it’s way to the internet (finally!). my opinion? i’ve never been much of a bee gee’s fan, so i’m going to pretend that “don’t feel like dancin’” sounds more like early elton john (as it should, since he collaborated on it). but who am i kidding? i love it regardless.

this is not the main purpose of this post, however. today i received something startling in my inbox… a press release about a so-cal band called under the influence of giants. curious, i watched their new video, “mama’s room.”

all i have to say is that parody is the highest form of flattery, even if i’m not sure that’s what these dandy boys intended. seriously, check these guys out. the lead singer obviously wishes he was jake shears - and he’s even got a baby daddy look-a-like by his side! all they lack is a low-rent ana matronic. it’s shameless, really… and i don’t know who they think they are fooling.

that is just one of the brilliant lyrics you’ll find in pink’s brand-spankin’-new single, “u + ur hand.” the fantastic accompanying clip is, naturally, the ¡viva la graham! video of the week…. even if our lady pink looks like brigitte nielsen toward the end (otherwise, i think she looks absolutely stunning).

so check it out! but be advised… you might have to turn it up.

i know what you’re thinking… who?? until five minutes ago, i would have said the same thing.

then i saw the video for the new snakes on a plane theme song, “bring it” (i had to seek it out once i learned that one of my favorite ladies, the sounds‘ maja ivarsson, was a featured player). the track, by an all-star indie group called cobra starship, was recorded especially for the highly-anticipated samuel l. jackson camp-fest… the clip is entertaining, yet it’s midtown front man gabe saporta who truly heats things up. that said, it should come as no surprise that he’s this week’s ¡viva la graham! hot rocker.

the caliente uruguayan is best known (outside his band) for parodying gwen stefani with “hollaback boy.” how did i miss that??

this comic, from bizarro, offers a likely response from the more narrow-minded sects of society, should they ever concede to what the gay community considers an incontrovertible truth.

you know what i find most intruguing? science nerds are the next logical choice for ridicule among the pre-adolescent/teenage set… i think most fags would agree (especially the nerdy ones!), this pretty much rings true.

the black eyed peas‘ fergie has done it! with the release of her debut solo single, “london bridge,” she has managed to become even more intolerable.

at first, i didn’t really mind stacy ferguson. after a mildly annoying start on kids incorporated, she was rather harmless as part of bland girl group wild orchid. when she eventually made the leap to the ‘peas, i sort of shrugged off her hip-hop make over.

since then, most of us have gotten sick of her - especially after “my humps” - for as you know, any mindless track that refers to tits and ass (see: “bootylicious“) will enjoy unprecedented success. unwittingly, that helped launch something even more tragic and unnecessary. but don’t take my word for it… see for yourself.

gwen, i can’t help but also lay a bit of blame on your smash solo effort! without the idiotic-yet-relentlessly-catchy “hollaback girl,” would fergie have dared to strike out on her own??