¡viva la graham!

celebrity chef gordon ramsay (you know, the total prick from hell’s kitchen) had a special ingredient for his latest dish - his two pet pigs, trinny and susannah. on his recent british reality show, the f-word, ramsay bred the two porkers throughout the course of the program.

when it finally came time to slaughter the poor things, they made ramsay stick around for the grisly proceedings. apparently the chef cried like a baby (or at least got a bit choked-up) as he watched them suffer in their last moments.

as horrible as this all sounds, it’s nice to know that gordon isn’t completely heartless. i still don’t particularly like him, so i’m not really sure if the stunt was all that effective. i will, however, be skipping the bacon with my breakfast tomorrow.

[via best week ever]

austin drage is a 20-year-old british “singer/songwriter” with aspirations of super stardom. as you can tell from this photo, this pretty boy knows his voice isn’t his only asset. he is also acquainted with a large segment of his potential audience - the queers! he has performed at several gay pride events in the u.k., thus giving hope to thousands that he just might take it like a champ (though i believe he has remained mum on the subject).

even if his tunes on myspace aren’t the greatest, he has an alright voice. i might be lowering my musical standards, but i have no choice. i think he’s a doll, and subsequently, austin is the newest member of ¡viva la graham!’s hot rockstar club.

[via fleshbot]

*it’s too difficult to keep up with a hot rocker every week - there aren’t as many as you might imagine! instead, we’ve formed an exclusive club. all of the hot rockers we’ve lusted after thus far are included; we’ll add more as we see fit.

here’s another intriguing discovery from found. can you imagine the kind of drama this poor kid is going through? also, you’ve got to wonder how old he (she?) is - and how he knows he was meant to be a girl. poor caitlin probably had a crush! alas, it was not meant to be.

while i have never performed at the historic ryman auditorium before a few thousand people, i can understand that it’s scary to sing in front of an audience. don’t get me wrong, i’ve always liked fiona apple. but hasn’t she been doing this for a while now?

the notoriously troubled, manic songstress spent much of her performance squatting center stage, staring at the floor, or screaming her lyrics and forcefully banging on the piano keys. to make things even more strange, at one point she told the story behind a track off when the pawn… it went something like this: “this one’s about an ex-boyfriend who used to always shower me with compliments when we were in front of other people. then when they weren’t looking, he would bite my face and say, [with a really creepy whisper] ‘i’m going to kill you.’” damn, woman, is that why you’re so fucked up?

inexplicably, that’s what most of the audience wanted to see. when fiona would smack herself with the microphone stand, the girls would gleefully scream, “we love you, fiona!” the best part was toward the end, when after apologizing for her onstage antics, she tried her hand at comedy: “i’ve been in a bad mood for the past 28 years.” even though she was kidding around, all i could think was, yes, indeed, fiona. yes, indeed.

one of my favorite bands, metric, looks set to succeed across the pond. just a few short weeks ago, “monster hospital” received rave reviews from nme, britain’s biggest weekly music mag. the single drops in u.k. shops tomorrow.* go pick it up, for the love of god!

in case you haven’t seen it, here’s the video for “monster hospital,” which, in honor of its’ overseas release, we’ve named the ¡viva la graham! video of the week. wouldn’t it be great to see metric crack the u.k. top ten?

*better late than never, right? the album was released in north america last year.

as if batman and robin weren’t gay enough, this bizarro comic takes it a step further. i especially like the flamboyant gloves and the thigh high boots. i daresay robin has never looked so fabulous.

howard stern isn’t my favorite person but lately he has been kind to the queers - he even raved about brokeback mountain. after watching a clip of a recent radio show, he has finally won me over.

i never knew this, but apparently howard claims to have a very small penis. to make himself feel better, he decided to have a small dick contest in the studio. the resulting video contains the most bizarre, hysterical footage i have ever seen. there are some guys on there that have next to nothing! it’s freakish, it’s unreal! you have to see it to believe it…. and i still can not stop laughing.

[wow report via queerty]

why did lisa loeb turn up on the view today? she is so much better than this show! other than finding a boyfriend or recording her next album, she’s got little else to do. but she should have known better.

unfortunately, the topic of the morning after pill came up, and lisa tried to voice her well-thought-out opinion, but elisabeth hasselbeck went off the deep end. lisa, you should have known you are way too outspoken and liberal for these bitches! barbara might agree with you, but she is far too cunning to let people know when that camera is rolling.

i promise this is the last time i will mention the view for the rest of the week. i’m sick of posting about it, so i’m sure you are sick of reading it!

related: barbara walters, asking for trouble

it’s about time, i know… i’ve finally got my own domain.

yes, for now, you can still find me at blogspot. but for all those forgetful mofos out there, now all you have to remember is vivalagraham.com. it’s about time, right?