¡viva la graham!

that’s what avril lavigne should have called her new album. instead it’s called the best damn thing… about what, i’m not sure.

anyway, here’s her hideous new video, “girlfriend.” first of all, the lyrics make “sk8tr boi” sound like beautiful poetry and the chorus sounds like low-rent toni basil (”mickey”) with a dash of fergie. yes, even hilary duff is laughing.

in the clip, avril plays the role of two different girls after the same guy, a la mariah carey’s “heartbreaker.” she has been trying to be an actress now for a while, so i guess this video wasn’t meant to show potential directors her formidable skills. unfortunately, the girl’s got none!

at least she didn’t cast her husband as the hot guy. then it would have been completely unbelievable.

something tells me kirsten dunst misunderstood this phrase. we’re not supposed to be the ones who suffer honey, you are!

it’s hard to feel sorry for the rich and famous, yet at the same time it’s hard to deny dunst a bit of tea and sympathy when, at the biggest red carpet event of the year, she turns up dressed like this.

i had planned on ignoring the oscar coverage (mainly because everyone else runs it into the ground), but i changed my mind when i read a clever commentary from the onion. the headline says it all: “oscars reveal widening gap between best, worst dressed.” factor in a few fictitious quotes from melissa rivers and you’ve got a sarcastic masterpiece.

i’d like to think kirsten will take this criticism and emerge victorious, but something tells me she’ll never cross over to the other side of the fashion chasm. oh well, at least she’s in good company…

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much like fellow brits james blunt and paolo nutini, fresh-faced james morrison seems to be wearing his heart on his sleeve primarily to get laid. compared to his sensitive singer-songwriter peers, however, james’s voice is actually rather remarkable.

billboard magazine declared morrison had a “grit and edge” well beyond his contemporaries, and i actually agree with them… which is why his best single, “wonderful world,” is the brand new video of the week.

yes, i realize that my enjoyment of this sentimental, schmaltzy drivel me a sad man. but perhaps it also means i’d let mr. morrison take me to bed.

in the march issue of sister 2 sister magazine, flavor of love 2 winner deelishis said that she’s planning to launch a singing career. apparently def jam records expressed interest in hearing some demos from the curvaceous reality star, so lately she has been hard at work in the studio with busta rhymes.

ok, even if she can sing, she’s kidding herself if she thinks busta is interested in anything but tappin’ that. give me a break.

also, i really could not care less about deelishis. i only wrote this as an excuse to post this ass-tastic photo (click it for a bigger version). i swear, that booty has special powers. nbc should sign her up to be one of the new heroes for may sweeps. ratings gold!

here’s the latest promotional photo of the bravery, a new wave nyc rock band who released a rather good record a few years back. i was disheartened by reports in which lead singer sam endicott said their new material might abandon synthesizers altogether, but this new picture really puts me in a panic.

first the make-up goes, then the rock and roll! i fear this could lead them down the tedious path of brandon flowers; do the bravery really want to end up boring like their former rivals?? check out the bravery’s official site to preview a few new tracks. there’s definitely nothing brilliant like “an honest mistake” to be found. stay tuned.

here’s the band in happier times:

by the way, i apologize for the use of “bloody” in the context above. i realize that i am not british, but i consider this slang to be therapeutic when i am upset.

kevin barnes, of montreal’s sexually-ambiguous lead singer, totally wants to be david bowie circa 1971. despite the shameless mimicry, i must say the glam suits him; he definitely looks better than tranny-licious davey havok (the fact that kevin’s actually talented helps as well)…

his band is currently on tour in support of their new album, hissing fauna, are you the destroyer?, and it turns out that kevin has been showing audiences the goods during the live performances. it might merely be a way to raise his profile, but hey, he’s got my attention! check out the dirty pics after the jump. i’d say it’s time to induct him into the hot rockstar club… don’t you agree?

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lily allen has hit back at fellow brit lady sovereign after she basically said lily has only become so famous because of her father (it should be noted that keith allen is well-known in the u.k., but is hardly a household name around the globe).

wasting little time with her retort, lily replied, “in response to miss sovereign’s comments, i’ve spoken to my dad and he says he’d be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up.”

if you keep up with this blog, you know i’m a fan of lily’s music and her sharp tongue. i don’t always agree with what she has to say, but this time her sarcasm was right on the mark. i mean, how could you respond to that?? as for lady sovereign, who hardly has the talent to back up her big mouth, i think she’d be right at home on vh1’s white rapper show.

[via launch uk]

a few weeks ago i wrote about the sarah silverman program, but i failed to mention her gay neighbors, steve and brian. these are not your typical tv gays, thank you very much. these guys are overweight and scruffy and they like to have fart contests and play video games. this is not only long overdue — at least i think so — it is also absolutely hysterical.

in the first episode, “officer jay” (which you can actually purchase on itunes for a measly $2!), brian claims to be bisexual. steve protests and challenges him to name three parts of a woman’s vagina.

“labia, the filopian tube…” he stutters. “umm, the bumpy thing?”

“yeah, that’s what i thought,” steve replies. later on, he walks in on brian in the bathroom examining a lingerie catalogue. but that’s not the punchline! brian had pasted steve’s picture on top of every model’s head.

genius.

while perusing popjustice a few nights ago, i happened upon an article about the spice girls burying the hatchet and reforming for charity. now we’ve all been teased and tortured with this gossip before, so i’m not going to put money on it actually happening. but this time, after reading about them, the girls invaded my dreams…

it was sunset at starwood ampitheatre, where i saw the spice girls (minus geri) perform back in 1998. the venue was packed with cheering fans. the stage was empty and a pair of limousines began driving down the paved path separating the covered seating area and the general admission grass section.

suddenly, the sunroof of each limo opened and up came all five girls (though i can’t recall which girls were grouped together, i’d like to think geri and mel b were clasping hands). the crowd erupted, the girls smiled and waved. they really were back!! unfortunately, they never took the stage. the limos continued back and forth down the path, and very quickly the mood changed from “hurrah!” to “let’s get on with it!” and that was that.

interpret that as you will. i’m not sure what exactly the dream was predicting. i’m just sad they didn’t sing “say you’ll be there.”

this headline definitely caught my eye when i was logging onto the ‘net this morning! i thought secretary of state condoleeza rice had finally been called out regarding her questionable extracurricular activities.

unfortunately, cnn did not report on condi’s racy sex romp (which may or may not have actually occured). the article was actually about a meeting with israelis and palestinians. whoever came up with that headline must have something else on the brain… or maybe it’s just me.