¡viva la graham!

with all the insanity surrounding jamie lynn’s shocking pregancy announcement last week, britney spears’ new video for “piece of me” has sort of been swept to the side. and it’s a shame because the clip is surprisingly good — much better than the grainy, slipshod promo for “gimme more.”

this time around britney isn’t looking so drowsy (read: medicated). she even manages to muster up a few dance moves without that stripper pole, so we’re definitely headed in the right direction. hey, the song’s not too shabby either…

i couldn’t have said it any better.

britney was going through the motions (at best) during her vma performance sunday night. she blew her big chance, and even though i’m disappointed and upset about it, i still feel bad for her.

as for her future, “gimme more” will still be a club hit, at the very least. we shall see whether or not this is the final straw for her pop career.

only two days after i blasted britney for passing on “umbrella,” she comes back at me with an ace new track. it turns out “gimme more” is actually fantastic, which is a shock considering everyone was expecting her to fall flat on her face.

if you have yet to hear the brand new single, click over here to give it a listen. it’s a little bit “sexyback,” a little bit “maneater.” 100 percent fab. if she busts out with it for a surprise mtv vma performance, it would make my day times 10. unfortunately this success will primarily go towards k-fed’s child support.

here’s an interesting tidbit. rihanna’s “umbrella” could have taken a very different form if it had been recorded by the artist who initially expressed interest — britney spears. (can you imagine her doing the “ella ella” part?? oh dear!).

whether you love or hate rihanna’s take, it’s difficult to deny that it’s a fairly effective pop song. and ms. spears has done well with undeniably catchy singles like “toxic” and “baby one more time” — songs that honestly even could have been hits had they been recorded by a cheeky sea lion. if she had snagged “umbrella,” it could have relaunched her career. d’oh.

i suppose it’s safe to say britney’s a bit jealous. i know i would be! we shall see if her confirmed comeback single “gimme more” is the next “umbrella.” i’m actually rooting for her, but it looks like the cards are stacked against her.

let’s examine these candid photos of mischa barton and britney spears, as they obviously did not consult a professional or even a mirror before stepping out of their front door.

firstly, mischa has never looked so ridiculously frumpy. if i didn’t dislike her so much, i’d probably give her snaps for being contrary, but since i do actually despise her, i can’t resist saying that she looks like one of mackenzie phillips’ style-challenged friends circa one day at a time.

and then there’s britney! her tummy is looking admirably taut in these most recent pics, but i find fault with this look. that pink top belongs on a slutty sixth-grader! i know she wants to make k-fed regret his past mistakes, but right here she just appears desperate.

[images via people]

here’s britney shopping back in january 2007. i know it’s difficult with all that’s going on this picture, but pay special attention to her “rehab” t-shirt. at the time, it was meant to be one of her trademark “ironic” tees. we now know that the most striking irony here was that her tank top was predicting the future.

[photo via the superficial]

apparently britney spears wanted her head shaved like her lady parts, so she went ahead and did it herself… before getting a few new tattoes. of course, video cameras captured the entire thing through the window. i shit you not. watch it yourself via cnn.com.

there have been all sorts of rumors about her losing it, and after this i doubt her rep will be able to deny it any longer. i want to know how sean preston reacted. he was probably terrified of the scary bald monster!

that said, i don’t really think it looks that horrible. even with her dumbo ears, she’s much prettier than sinead. i’ll give her that.

[photo via dlisted]

imagine a world in which this headline is splashed across the front page: “kevin federline, wife divorce”… it’s not only impossible to imagine, it’s also the funniest thing the onion has come up with all year.

the article jokes that k-fed is a huge celeb and his gold digging wife isn’t even worth mentioning by name. britney doesn’t even get half her face in the picture (at right) they include of the “superstar rapper.”

the whole thing is gloriously absurd, but the second paragraph of the story is probably the best:

“according to federline’s publicist, marilyn chang, the spouse, a 24-year-old entertainer who worked as a singer and foreground dancer at federline performances before wedding him in 2004, presented federline with divorce papers on nov. 7 citing irreconcilable differences.”

click here for the rest!

as if things couldn’t get any worse, britney spears has decided that paris hilton is responsible enough to care for her firstborn, sean preston federline. the poor thing has no idea what kind of danger he’s in!!

brit and paris have apparently become fast friends, which is all fine and good, i suppose… but this photo could seriously be exhibit a for k-fed’s case that brit’s an unfit parent. i mean, what kind of mother lets that woman hold her baby??

otherwise, happy belated b-day to ms. spears. i had a wee birthday party myself last night, and i must say that we all had a look at her sloppy pussy, which has been on a curious display lately. have a look, if you must. you won’t be the same afterwards.

i don’t think poor britney realizes that paris hilton isn’t really a step up from k-fed. it’s obvious that they’re both doing this for the publicity, but i still think britney could find someone less ridiculous to get a shred of cred back. taking out those horrible extentions would help, too.

who should save her then? hmmm, timbaland seems to be able to turn around just about anybody’s career these days, and i hear he’s on board for her next project. but i think by the time britney gets it in gear, his time may be up. only time will tell.