¡viva la graham!

It’s full steam ahead for the Madonna train with new single “Celebration,” a mindless party track that sees the pop icon back in a flirty dance-floor mood following her split with Guy Ritchie. There’s nothing revolutionary to report here — the track will satisfy fans but probably won’t win over any new ones. It’s not entirely memorable but it’s definitely club-friendly. Overall, I’m underwhelmed. Come on, Madge, you can do better than this!

On a side note, I do enjoy when she says, “I guess I just don’t recognize you with your clothes on.” I might steal that, actually. But isn’t the planet’s most famous cougar a little old to be spouting off such amusingly saucy come-ons?

I also have mixed emotions about this cover art (below). It’s a composite of various classic photographs of Madonna and I’m not sure if the designer pulled it off or not. Thoughts??

I haven’t mention Madonna’s latest record on here because, well, honestly I didn’t think much of lead single “4 Minutes.” It might have grown on me slightly after 20 listens, but I was never bothered with purchasing the album.

The mediocrity of Hard Candy seemed solidified by second single “Give It 2 Me.” The minimalist production was not enhanced by the track’s annoyingly persistent cowbell (I think that’s what that was). Fortunately for disenchanted fans like myself, Paul Oakenfold breathed new life into the track with his remix — and he lost that bloody bell! It’s good, retro fun in the same vein as many of the club bangers from Madge’s last effort, Confessions on a Dance Floor. I’m not sure if this will further the song’s success outside the clubs, but for me it makes up for her last few missteps.

Check out the remix video below. Skip to about 1:40 if you want to bypass the lengthy intro and get to the actual singing bits.

at first glance, there’s nothing too unusual about this paparazzi shot of madonna and hubby guy ritchie. a closer look at what’s in the bag and things get a bit more interesting.

madonna appears to be carrying around the purple penetrator, a six inch strap-on dildo. from the look on her face, madge is pleased with her purchase; mr. ritchie, on the other hand, looks a little more unsure. either he’s into much kinkier shit that i ever could have imagined, or he lost a bet or something. i hope she’s got some lube in that big black purse!

for a limited time, you can legally download a free mp3 of the new madonna track “hey you” at msn’s live earth site. pharrell williams co-produced the mellow, “little drummer boy”-style song with madonna, and apparently madge is going to perform it at london’s live earth concert this summer.

unfortunately, the song is just okay. and that’s being nice, really. it moves at a snail’s pace and the lyrics are mediocre. it definitely doesn’t compare to any of madonna’s big singles. at the very least, i admire her for giving some of the proceeds to charity, but i still wish she had come up with something better. oh well, it must be difficult to be inspirational and edgy.

ever the smart business woman, madonna has enlisted justin timberlake and timbaland to help out on the follow-up to confessions on a dance floor. that record sold millions around the world, but its singles failed to break through at radio — mainly in the united states (“hung up” was the only one to crack the u.s. top 40, peaking at no. 7).

justin timberlake has had a string of no. 1s, thanks in part to collaborating with timbaland, so madonna is likely looking to reclaim her former chart glory with both hitmakers at the helm of at least a few tracks. unless she comes up with another dreadful “american life”-style rap, i don’t think anything could stand in the way of success. well played, madge!