¡viva la graham!

Yesterday Mariah Carey debuted her new single, “Obsessed,” a slick hip-pop jam co-written with The-Dream and Tricky Stewart. Though the producers admit the surprisingly aggressive track is directed at someone in particular, they coyly refused to name names. Stream it below:

It’s not hard to figure out her target is Eminem — the rapper has constantly dogged Carey in the press plus the song features the lyric “Will the real M.C. please step to the mic?,” a thinly veiled reference to his mega-hit “The Real Slim Shady.” It’s a tactic that will surely draw enough media attention and airplay to help catapult the track to the top of the charts. Damn, Mimi is one of the smartest crazies on the planet! It doesn’t hurt that it’s pretty damn catchy as well…

Now let’s get to the best part. It was also announced that her forthcoming disc is titled Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, which is right up there with the Emancipation of Mimi as one of the most ridiculous ever. I love it.

PS. Drag queens across the country are already practicing this shit for Saturday night performances. Trust.

Mariah Carey steps back into the game with “My Love,” a future smash by The-Dream on which she is the featured artist. The undeniable hip-pop single is more “We Belong Together” than “Bye Bye,” which I’m sure Mimi understood when she recorded the track. In case you didn’t know, the former spent months atop the charts while the latter barely cracked the top 20.

The-Dream is responsible for her last hit, “Touch My Body,” as well as Rihanna’s ubiquitous “Umbrella.” Mariah ain’t fucking around! She wants to beat that Beatles record and honestly this is her best bet at a 19th number one.

Carey keeps it in the family with the slick music video (watch it here if the above link doesn’t work) — her husband Nick Cannon directs the clip, which shows Mariah slumming it behind (gasp) chain-link fences while wearing expensive sunglasses. I love Mimi, and I know she didn’t have much when she was growing up, but nowadays it’s impossible for me to buy it when she plays the welfare mother. C’mon!

Expect to be sick of “My Love” in a few months, because it’s going to be inescapable.

In case you haven’t already seen it, here’s the video for Mariah Carey’s steamy new single “Touch My Body.” Whoever decided to forgo the anticipated slutty bedroom clip for something light and comical should be commended. Featuring 30 Rock’s Jack McBrayer as a smitten computer geek was also a stroke of genius.

In other Mimi news, she is not calling her album That Chick as I previously posted. It will be called e=mc2 instead. I’m scratching my head, too, but I’m sure Mariah has her reasons (which we’ll all hear about as the album launch approaches).

…Or am I a total sucker?

Here’s the alleged cover of Mariah Carey’s new disc, tentatively titled That Chick. The photo looks new — photoshopped like hell, but new — but I think one of Mimi’s precious ”Lambs” put this together. I’m not even going to get started on that album title.

That said, I can’t wait to hear this shit, due out in April. I love this crazy bitch. Bring it on!

mariah carey has been in nashville recently filming a movie called tennessee. obviously the city is so happy to be hosting a film production that they’ve feigned amnesia concerning mimi’s cinematic past.

when they shot a scene of mariah performing at lower broad honky-tonk second fiddle, director aaron woodley told the media that “people were weeping on the crew when she sang… it’s very moving…”

i dare say this film could rival glitter, mariah’s notorious belly flop of a biopic, when it comes to being gleefully garish. according to a nail specialist friend of mine who was contacted by the production, mariah’s character sports airbrushed nails, which is pretty much the epitome of ghetto. my friend is a bit too classy to provide this particular service, and it’s unfortunate, really. she definitely could have provided us with some priceless diva gossip…