¡viva la graham!

oh good gracious. i know liza minelli is like sixty years old, but this photo of her without make-up is frightening. it looks like she was trying to hide under that hat, but somebody spotted her and asked for an autograph. the look on her face totally says “busted.” hopefully she’ll learn from this mistake.

[image via dlisted]

apparently there’s a reason why amy winehouse doesn’t smile in her press photos. before now i just thought it was because she was trying to project a tough-girl image. you know, since her songs are often about strong women or refusing to go to rehab, etc.

as her songs also say, ms. winehouse has a taste for tanqueray, stella, and countless other alcoholic beverages. and it turns out her penchant for overdoing it in the booze department might have contributed to that mysterious close-mouthed look she’s been working. i knew she had taken a tumble or two, but apparently a few of her teeth have been offered up to the party gods as penance for bad behavior.

yes, amy’s missing a few. and it sure ain’t pretty…

i’m not sure when this was taken, but damn! if she hasn’t already taken care of this, she really needs to asap. it looks like she’s sporting one of those fake plastic sets of redneck chompers you can buy at tacky gift shops. definitely not hot.

[photo via faded youth]

here’s bruce willis being interviewed courtside at a nets game with some random kid. they are obviously tipsy, so of course this short clip is full of fun.

i’m not sure what part i like best: when bruce disses cybil shepard, when he curses in character, or when the reporter introduces him as bruce “wilson.” no joke!!

let’s examine these candid photos of mischa barton and britney spears, as they obviously did not consult a professional or even a mirror before stepping out of their front door.

firstly, mischa has never looked so ridiculously frumpy. if i didn’t dislike her so much, i’d probably give her snaps for being contrary, but since i do actually despise her, i can’t resist saying that she looks like one of mackenzie phillips’ style-challenged friends circa one day at a time.

and then there’s britney! her tummy is looking admirably taut in these most recent pics, but i find fault with this look. that pink top belongs on a slutty sixth-grader! i know she wants to make k-fed regret his past mistakes, but right here she just appears desperate.

[images via people]

how could i forget about this? here’s my best bud kellie pickler trashing up the cmt awards on monday night. she should have called me, actually, because i never would have let her turn up looking like this! i mean, what’s up with the fake braid and the teased mess around back? yikes. she must have lost my phone number… i suppose the dress isn’t that hideous. at least it accentuates the positive, if you know what i mean.

i wonder if carrie underwood even said hello. i bet she hauled ass to her private dressing room the second she saw kellie coming down the red carpet.

[photos via dlisted]

here’s something scary for ya — alanis morissette’s “ironic” cover of the black eyed peas’ “my humps.” who knew alanis had a sense of humor? the big bummer for her is that i’m not sure anyone is laughing.

this is beyond bizarre, so of course it must be viewed repeatedly. the frightening image of alanis bent over and shaking her ass will haunt me in my sleep.

kelis was arrested for disorderly conduct yesterday — and it wasn’t for one of the disturbances she was likely wearing (this mess pictured here is tame for her) or the glaring pink distraction on top of her head.

the real reason for her arrest involved her unprovoked profanity-laced diatribe directed at several police officers who happened to be outside a club in miami.

even though kelis isn’t known for being terribly prim and proper, i’m a little surprised by this. she must be even more desperate for publicity than usual. put those frustrations back into your music, honey! it was much better when it was loud and angry anyway.

UPDATE: the cops were actually undercover… posing as prostitutes… which really only makes matters more confusing.

something tells me kirsten dunst misunderstood this phrase. we’re not supposed to be the ones who suffer honey, you are!

it’s hard to feel sorry for the rich and famous, yet at the same time it’s hard to deny dunst a bit of tea and sympathy when, at the biggest red carpet event of the year, she turns up dressed like this.

i had planned on ignoring the oscar coverage (mainly because everyone else runs it into the ground), but i changed my mind when i read a clever commentary from the onion. the headline says it all: “oscars reveal widening gap between best, worst dressed.” factor in a few fictitious quotes from melissa rivers and you’ve got a sarcastic masterpiece.

i’d like to think kirsten will take this criticism and emerge victorious, but something tells me she’ll never cross over to the other side of the fashion chasm. oh well, at least she’s in good company…

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here’s imogen heap, a nominee for best new artist, on the red carpet at last night’s grammy awards.

i’m not sure why she chose this garden geisha get-up. i can handle the paper umbrella and the white gloves, i suppose. the lilypads on her skirt are in very poor taste, but it doesn’t really surprise me coming from her… what really sets this apart is the shrubbery coming out of her head! i mean, that shit is what legends are made of. she’s approaching bjork territory here — only this isn’t nearly as clever.

unfortunately, imogen wasn’t given much screen time on the telecast. and of course the bitch didn’t win, so she didn’t get to explain her crazy ass. pity.

as if things couldn’t get any worse, britney spears has decided that paris hilton is responsible enough to care for her firstborn, sean preston federline. the poor thing has no idea what kind of danger he’s in!!

brit and paris have apparently become fast friends, which is all fine and good, i suppose… but this photo could seriously be exhibit a for k-fed’s case that brit’s an unfit parent. i mean, what kind of mother lets that woman hold her baby??

otherwise, happy belated b-day to ms. spears. i had a wee birthday party myself last night, and i must say that we all had a look at her sloppy pussy, which has been on a curious display lately. have a look, if you must. you won’t be the same afterwards.